So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
