god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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