my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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