The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
