He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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