I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
