I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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