Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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