giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
