the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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