I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
