If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why do cheetos always look like penises
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
