I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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