Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
