don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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