sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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