I can't watch pbs sober anymore
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
