If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
