Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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