On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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