I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
