fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
did i just pee glitter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
