sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
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