he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
