Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Four minutes until I can fart!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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