none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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