3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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