weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
