Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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