My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
