YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
