sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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