at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
