hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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