quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
