the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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