just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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