wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You made out with two different species that night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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