I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
