I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
