Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
