He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
