wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
