It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
