I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
