I hate all girls vehemently.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
