apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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