How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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