I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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