I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
