I wanna passion pit in your ass
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
