She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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