Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
